I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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