these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
