Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
