i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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