dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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