Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
