my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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