The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
