It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
