I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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