you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
