I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
