i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
