party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
