are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
