my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
