so that wasnt chicken after all
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
