I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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