1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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