So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
