Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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