I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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