ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
