people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
