im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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