my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do vagina's smell?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
