i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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