We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.