just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.