the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.