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im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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