Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.