got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
