that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
