My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
