I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
