The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
