Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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