I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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