Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
