moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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