By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
