Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
