Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
