dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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