We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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