8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
