I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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