and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
