My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
