Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
