the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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