So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
