Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
