I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
