Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
