hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
