So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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