I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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