You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
