dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
