There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize