wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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