If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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