I think I am morally bankrupt
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
