My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
