he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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