the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
