Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
