Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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