I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize