I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
