I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
