I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
