They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize