You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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