I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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