My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
