dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
