so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
