There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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