I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
