Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
