His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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