dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
