Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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