I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
