Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
