Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
