can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
