pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
