I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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