Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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