The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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