I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
