I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
