a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
