he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
